From: martin f. krafft Date: Fri, 9 May 2008 13:59:39 +0000 (+0100) Subject: initial checkin X-Git-Url: https://git.madduck.net/etc/quotes.git/commitdiff_plain/9e938bcd793bf2477c265979f00a88b66eb9487a?ds=sidebyside initial checkin --- 9e938bcd793bf2477c265979f00a88b66eb9487a diff --git a/.bin/add_quote b/.bin/add_quote new file mode 100755 index 0000000..51ae199 --- /dev/null +++ b/.bin/add_quote @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +#!/bin/sh +# +# add a quote to my quotes database +# +# Copyright © 1997–2008 martin f. krafft +# Released under the terms of the Artistic Licence 2.0 +# +set -eu + +QUOTES_FILE="${0%/*}/../.quotes/quotes" + +TMPFILE="$(mktemp -t vit.XXXXXXXX)" +trap "rm -f $TMPFILE" 0 + +cat <<_eof > "$TMPFILE" + + +# vim:tw=68 +_eof + +editor +1 "$TMPFILE" + +sed -i -re '/^([[:space:]]*$|# vim:)/d' "$TMPFILE" + +if [ -s "$TMPFILE" ]; then + echo % >> "$QUOTES_FILE" + cat "$TMPFILE" >> "$QUOTES_FILE" +fi + +exit 0 diff --git a/.bin/get_quote b/.bin/get_quote new file mode 100755 index 0000000..546a74b --- /dev/null +++ b/.bin/get_quote @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +#!/bin/sh +# +# output a random quote from my quotes database +# +# Copyright © 1997–2008 martin f. krafft +# Released under the terms of the Artistic Licence 2.0 +# +set -eu + +if [ ! -x "$(command -v fortune)" ]; then + echo "E: fortune not installed" >&2 + echo "This space unintentionally left blank" + exit 1 +fi + +QUOTES_FILE=${0%/*}/../.quotes/quotes +QUOTES_HASH=${QUOTES_FILE}.dat + +if [ ! -f "$QUOTES_HASH" ] || [ "$QUOTES_HASH" -ot "$QUOTES_FILE" ]; then + echo I: rebuilding quotes hash... >&2 + strfile -s "$QUOTES_FILE" +fi + +args= +[ -n "${1:-}" ] && args="-i -m $@" + +eval exec fortune $args $QUOTES_FILE 2>/dev/null diff --git a/.quotes/.gitignore b/.quotes/.gitignore new file mode 100644 index 0000000..568cadc --- /dev/null +++ b/.quotes/.gitignore @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +/quotes.dat diff --git a/.quotes/quotes b/.quotes/quotes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9c4a85a --- /dev/null +++ b/.quotes/quotes @@ -0,0 +1,2238 @@ +# vim:tw=70 +% +this product is under strict quality contril with perfect packing and +quality when leving the factory.please keep away from damp.high +temperature or sun expose.If found any detectives when purchasing. +please return the productby airmail to our administration section and +inform the time, place.and store of this purchase for our +improvement.We shall give you a satisfactory reply.Thanks for your +patronage and welcome your comments. + -- http://www.engrish.com +% +"life moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in + a while, you could miss it." + -- ferris bueller +% +"it has been said about the EPO that if you fart in front of their + building, you are granted a patent on 'gas tank depressurizing by + opening a venting pipe.'" + -- gyrosgeier on #debian-devel +% +drink canada dry! you might not succeed, but it *is* fun trying. +% +"emacs sucks, literally, not an insult, just a comment that it's + large enough to have a noticeable gravitational pull..." + -- mercury on #debian-devel +% +if you find a spelling mistake in the above, you get to keep it. +% +beauty, brains, availability, personality; pick any two. +% +"the duration of passion is proportionate + with the original resistance of the woman." + -- honoré de balzac +% +"das internet wurde konzipiert, um einem atomschlag standzuhalten. + leider hatte kein militärstratege mit der deutschen telekom + gerechnet..." + -- attila radnai +% +"next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the + nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those + conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and + refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by + convince himself that the war is just, and will thank god for the + better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque + self-deception." + -- mark twain +% +in seattle, washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that +is over six feet in length. +% +when everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. +% +"the question of whether computers can think + is like the question of whether submarines can swim." + -- edsgar w. dijkstra +% +the early bird may get the worm, +but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. +% +on the other hand, you have different fingers. +% +remember, half the people are below average. +% +i feel like i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. +% +plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. +% +fitter, healthier, more productive +like a pig, in a cage, on antibiotics + -- radiohead +% +"you know you're a hopeless geek when you misspell 'date' as 'data'" + -- branden robinson +% +"if a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, + and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, + and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, + then the socket packet pocket has an error to report." + -- +% +"i like .net for the same reason i like gentoo. it keeps all the + people with no clue from writing c code, which is much harder for me + to identify and eliminate from my systems. in the same way that + gentoo gives those people a place to be that isn't in debian" + -- andrew suffield +% +"all i know is that i'm being sued for unfair business + practices by micro$oft. hello pot? it's kettle on line two." + -- michael robertson +% +"if you are going to run a rinky-dink distro made by a couple of + volunteers, why not run a rinky-dink distro made by a lot of + volunteers?" + -- jaldhar h. vyas +% +/.ing an issue is like asking an infinite number of monkeys for advice + -- in #debian-devel +% +SUSE: Soll Unix Sein, Eigentlich. +% +if you are walking on thin ice, you might as well dance! +% +to err is human - to moo, bovine +% +during the voyage of life, remember to keep an eye out for a fair +wind; batten down during a storm; hail all passing ships; and fly your +colours proudly! +% +"i might disagree with what you have to say, + but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." + -- voltaire +% + EARTH + smog | bricks + AIR -- mud -- FIRE +soda water | tequila + WATER +% +"to me, vi is zen. to use vi is to practice zen. every command is + a koan. profound to the user, unintelligible to the uninitiated. + you discover truth everytime you use it." + -- reddy ät lion.austin.ibm.com +% +"distrust all those who love you extremely + upon a very slight acquaintance and without any visible reason." + -- lord chesterfield +% +"the only difference between the saint and the sinner + is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." + -- oscar wilde +% +god is real, unless declared integer. + (dedicated to gabriel gómez) +% +women can keep a secret just as well as men, +but it takes more of them to do it. +% +"common sense is the collection of prejudices + acquired by age eighteen." + -- albert einstein +% +"what's your conceptual continuity? -- + well, it should be easy to see: + the crux of the bisquit is the apopstrophe!" + -- frank zappa +% +http://lavender.cime.net/~ricky/badgers.txt +% +warning at the gates of bill: +abandon hope, all ye who press here... +% +"even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day." + -- orbital +% +"i worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty." + -- groucho marx +% +"how do you feel about women's rights?" +"i like either side of them." + -- groucho marx +% +"they that can give up essential liberty + to obtain a little temporary safety + deserve neither liberty nor safety." + -- benjamin franklin +% +dies ist eine manuell generierte email. sie beinhaltet +tippfehler und ist auch ohne großbuchstaben gültig. +% +if it's there, and you can see it, it's real. +if it's not there, and you can see it, it's virtual. +if it's there, and you can't see it, it's transparent. +if it's not there, and you can't see it, you erased it. +% +mulutlitithtrhreeaadededd s siigngnatatuurere +% +"eine schlechte sache erregt, eine gute verträgt viel kritik." + -- charles tschopp +% +"zwei monologe, die sich gegenseitig + immer und immer wieder störend unterbrechen, + nennt man eine diskussion." + -- charles tschopp +% +"man kann die menschen nur von ihren eigenen meinungen überzeugen." + -- charles tschopp +% +"now, bring me that horizon." + -- captain jack sparrow +% +"no survivors? then where do the stories come from I wonder?" + -- captain jack sparrow +% +bush/cheney '04: the last vote you'll ever have to cast. +% +DISCLAIMER: this entire message is privileged communication, intended +for the sole use of its recipients only. If you read it even though +you know you aren't supposed to, you're a poopy-head. +% +"if you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; + that is where they should be. now put the foundations under them." + -- henry david thoreau +% +"the difference between genius and stupidity + is that genius has it's limits." + -- albert einstein +% +"reife des mannes, das ist es, + den ernst wiedergefunden zu haben, den + man hatte als kind beim spiel." + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +"america may be unique in being a country which has leapt + from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization." + -- john o'hara +% +"administration for windows networks is similar to maintaining a 12 + year old gm truck. brand new, w2k+3 already has 190k miles of wear." + -- jeremiah cornelius +% +Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Fools Them. +% +"getting a scsi chain working is perfectly simple if you remember that + there must be exactly three terminations: one on one end of the + cable, one on the far end, and the goat, terminated over the scsi + chain with a silver-handled knife whilst burning *black* candles." + -- anthony deboer +% +"the worst part of being old is remembering when you was young." + -- alvin straight (the straight story) +% +"a warm bed in a house sounds a mite better + than eating a hot dog on a stick + with an old geezer traveling on a lawn mower." + -- alvin straight (the straight story) +% +"women, when they are not in love, + have all the cold blood of an experienced attorney." + -- honoré de balzac +% +"although occasionally there is something to be said for solitude." + -- special agent dale cooper +% +"sometimes the urge to do bad is nearly overpowering" + -- ben horne +% +"one should never allow one's mind + and one's foot to wander at the same time." + -- edward perkins (yes, the librarian) +% +gates' law: every 18 months, the speed of software halves. +% +"being shot is not as bad as i always thought it might be. + as long as you can keep the fear from your mind." + -- special agent dale cooper +% +"arguments are extremely vulgar, + for everyone in good society + holds exactly the same opinion." + -- oscar wilde +% +"twenty-four hour room-service must be one of the + premiere achievements of modern civilization." + -- special agent dale cooper +% +logik ist analsadismus: gedanken werden gewaltsam +durch einen engen gang gepreßt. + -- frei nach lacan +% +"if ever somethin' don't feel right to you, remember what pancho said + to the cisco kid... `let's win, before we are dancing at the end of + a rope, without music.'" + -- sailor +% +"stab it and steer" + -- sailor +% +windoze is the one-night-stand of operating systems; +you feel so cheap after having used it. +% +"wer schmetterlinge lachen hört, + der weiss wie wolken schmecken." + -- freiherr friedrich von hardenberg +% +one has to multiply thoughts to the point +where there aren't enough policemen to control them. + -- stanislaw jerzey lec +% +until lions have their historians, +tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter. + -- african proverb +% +darwinism is nothing without enough dead bodies. +% +do micro$oft's total cost of operation calculations +include total cost of downtime? +% +"montag, why do you burn books?" +"it's a job like any other, pay is good and there is a lot of variety." + -- ray bradbury (f451) +% +"the wonderful thing about standards is + that there are so many to choose from." + -- grace hopper +% +"politics is the entertainment branch of industry." + -- frank zappa +% +"m.c.s.e": minesweeper consultant & solitaire expert +% +"sometimes we sit and read other people's interpretations of our + lyrics and think, 'hey, that's pretty good.' if we liked it, we would + keep our mouths shut and just accept the credit as if it was what we + meant all along." + -- john lennon +% +"never try to explain computers to a layman. + it's easier to explain sex to a virgin." + -- robert heinlein + +(note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.) +% +"a fundamentalist is someone who hates sin more than he loves virtue." + -- john h. schaar +% +"it is the customary fate of new truths + to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions. + -- thomas huxley +% +"however jewel-like the good will may be in its own right, there is + a morally significant difference between rescuing someone from + a burning building and dropping him from a twelfth-storey window + while trying to rescue him." + -- thomas nagel +% +i'm currently out trying to find myself. +if i should get back before i return, +please keep me here. +% +"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." + -- john lennon +% +(on the statement print "42 monkeys"+"1 snake") btw, +both perl and python get this wrong. +perl gives 43 and python gives "42 monkeys1 snake", +when the answer is clearly "41 monkeys and 1 fat snake". + -- jim fulton +% +"anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president + should on no account be allowed to do the job" + -- douglas adams +% +i've not lost my mind. it's backed up on tape somewhere. +% +"if one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, + there is no use in reading it at all." + -- oscar wilde +% +all information contained in the above is false, +for reasons of military security. +% +"i must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini." + -- alexander woolcott +% +you can't assign IP address 127.0.0.1 to the loopback adapter, +because it is a reserved address for loopback devices. + -- micro$oft windoze xp professional +% +"i love deadlines. i like the whooshing + sound they make as they fly by." + -- douglas adams +% +normaliser unix c'est comme pasteuriser le camembert. +% +"science without religion is lame, + religion without science is blind." + -- albert einstein +% +there are only 10 types of people in the world: +those who understand binary and those who don't. +% +why didn't noah swat those two mosquitoes? +% +why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections? +% +if con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress? +% +"sobald man über niveau spricht + ist man längst darüber hinweg." + -- thomas krafft +% +will kill for oil! +% +"heuristic is computer science jargon for 'doesn't actually work.'" + -- charlie reiman +% +if voting could really change things, it would be illegal. + -- revolution books, new york +% +fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. + -- the irish times, washington dc +% +"der glaube an den kausalnexus ist der aberglaube" + -- wittgenstein +% +"... alle sätze der logik sagen aber dasselbe. nämlich nichts." + -- wittgenstein +% +"... (ethik und ästhetik sind eins.)" + -- wittgenstein +% +"wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen." + -- wittgenstein +% +in the beginning was the word, +and the word was content-type: text/plain +% +"it is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." + -- voltaire +% +"when in doubt, parenthesize. at the very least it will let some + poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi." + -- larry wall +% +infinite loop: see 'loop, infinite'. +loop, infinite: see 'infinite loop'. +% +"the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the 'volatile' keyword + is implemented syntactically + but not semantically" + -- documentation of m$ visual c, around 1992 +% +security at micro$oft: how do we secure a billion dollar profit? +% +seen on an advertising for an elaborate swiss men's watch: + "almost as complicated as a woman. except it's on time" +% +"i doubt larry wall ever uses strict." + -- frederick heckel +% +micro$oft: "you've got questions? we've got dancing paperclips." +% +micro$oft could shit in a box, and most people would buy it. +% +eleventh law of acoustics: + in a minimum-phase system there is an inextricable link between + frequency response, phase response and transient response, as they + are all merely transforms of one another. this combined with + minimalization of open-loop errors in output amplifiers and correct + compensation for non-linear passive crossover network loading can + lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost. however, + of course, this all means jack when you listen to pink floyd. +% +it is ok to let your mind go blank, +but please turn off the sound. +% +"our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, + we have not learned its nature; it is our future that lays down the + law of our today." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"when zarathustra was alone... he said to his heart: 'could it be + possible! this old saint in the forest hath not yet heard of it, that + god is dead!'" + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"without music, life would be a mistake." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"the thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one + gets successfully through many a bad night." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does + not become a monster. and when you look into an abyss, the abyss also + looks into you." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"we are like shop windows in which we are continually arranging, + concealing or illuminating the supposed qualities other ascribe to us + -- in order to deceive ourselves." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +the english take english for granted. +but if we explore its paradoxes, +we find that quicksand can work slowly. +% +#include +% + +% + +% +use RFC822::Signature; +% +"a scientist once wrote that all truth passes through three stages: + first it is ridiculed, then violently opposed and eventually, + accepted as self-evident." + -- schopenhauer +% +"president thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of + the vote. in a democracy, that's not called quitting." + -- the washington post +% +"not the truth in whose possession any man is, or thinks he is, but + the honest effort he has made to find out the truth, is what + constitutes the worth of man." + -- gotthold lessing +% +"if confronted with a choice between all the truth in god's right hand + and the ever live struggle for truth, coupled with eternal error, in + god's left, i would choose the left." + -- gotthold lessing +% +"lessing was a heretics' heretic" + -- walter kaufmann +% +before he died, rabbi zusya said: "in the world to come they will not +ask me, 'why were you not moses?' they will ask me, 'why were you not +zusya?'" +% +"alles sollte so einfach, wie möglich gemacht sein, + aber nicht einfacher." + -- albert einstein +% +"ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, + or what's a heaven for?" + -- robert browning +% +"if you can dream it, you can do it" + -- walt disney +% +"the unexamined life is not worth living" + -- platon +% +bill gates, 1984: "640 k ought to be enough" +bill gates, 1995: "the internet is not a primary goal for pc usage" +bill gates, 1999: "linux has no impact on microsoft's strategy" +bill gates, 2004: "we promise to solve the spam problem in two years" +% +officer, arrest that man! he's whistling a copyrighted song. +% +"the truth is rarely pure and never simple. modern life would be very + tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete + impossibility!" + -- oscar wilde +% +"all women become like their mothers. that is their tragedy. no man + does. that's his." + -- oscar wilde +% +"if i am occasionally a little overdressed, i make up for it by being + always immensely over-educated." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i never travel without my diary. one should always have something + sensational to read on the train." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i never go without my dinner. no one ever does, except vegetarians + and people like that." + -- oscar wilde +% +"in all unimportant matters, style, not sincerity, is the essential. + in all important matters, style, not sincerity, is the essential." + -- oscar wilde +% +"hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, of + physical weakness in the old." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i am not in favour of long engagements. they give people the + opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, + which i think is never advisable." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i dislike arguments of any kind. they are always vulgar, and often + convincing." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. there + is something unfair about its use. it is hitting below the + intellect." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i like wagner's music better than anybody's. it is so loud that one + can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says." + -- oscar wilde +% +"most people become bankrupt through having invested too heavily in + the prose of life. to have ruined one's self over poetry is an + honour." + -- oscar wilde +% +"a cigarette is the perfect type of pleasure. + it is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied." + -- oscar wilde +% +"never trust a woman who wears mauve, whatever her age may be, or a + woman over thirty-five who is fond of pink ribbons. it always means + they have a history." + -- oscar wilde +% +"moderation is a fatal thing. enough is as bad as a meal. more than + enough is as good as a feast." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i hate vulgar realism in literature. the man who could call a spade + a spade should be compelled to use one. it is the only thing he is + fit for." + -- oscar wilde +% +"one should never do anything that + one cannot talk about after dinner." + -- oscar wilde +% +"if a man treats life artistically, his brain is his heart." + -- oscar wilde +% +"to get back my youth i would do anything in the world, except take + exercise, get up early, or be respectable." + -- oscar wilde +% +stupidity management for the superuser +is a user space issue in unix systems. + -- alan cox +% +a: no. +q: should i include quotations after my reply? +% +windows 2000: designed for the internet. +the internet: designed for unix. +% +$complex->{'data'}[$structures][$in_perl] = @{$can{'be'}->[$painful]}; +% +weapon, n.: + an index of the lack of development of a culture. +% +"glaube heißt nicht wissen wollen, was wahr ist." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"ist gott eine erfindung des teufels?" + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"nicht durch zorn, sondern durch lachen tötet man." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"moral zu predigen ist ebenso leicht + als moral zu begründen schwer ist." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"durch frauen werden die höhepunkte des lebens bereichert + und die tiefpunkte vermehrt." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"alle menschen zerfallen, wie zu allen zeiten so auch jetzt noch, in + sklaven und freie; denn wer von seinem tag nicht zwei drittel für + sich hat, ist ein sklave, er sei übrigens wer er wolle: staatsmann, + kaufmann, beamter, gelehrter." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"aus der kriegsschule des lebens - + was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich härter." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"geld ist das brecheisen der macht." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"die menschen drängen sich zum lichte, nicht um besser zu sehen, + sondern um besser zu glänzen." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"man soll nicht in kirchen gehn, wenn man reine luft atmen will." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"solange man nicht die moral des christentums + als kapitalverbrechen am leben empfindet, + haben dessen verteidiger gutes spiel." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"da haben wir es also: eine kirchliche ordnung mit priesterschaft, + theologie, kultus, sakrament; + kurz, alles das, was jesus von nazareth bekämpft hatte..." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"zum christentum wird man nicht geboren, + man muß dazu nur krank genug sein." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"gott ist tot! und wir haben ihn getötet." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"licht wird alles, was ich fasse" + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"wahnsinn bei individuen ist selten, + aber in gruppen, nationen und epochen die regel." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"die zeit für kleine politik ist vorbei. + schon das nächste jahrhundert + bringt den kampf um die erdherrschaft." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"der beruf ist eine schutzwehr, hinter welche man sich erlaubterweise + zurückziehen kann, wenn bedenken und sorgen allgemeiner art einen + anfallen." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"den stil verbessern, das heißt den gedanken verbessern." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"alle vorurteile kommen aus den eingeweiden." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"auch der mutigste von uns hat nur selten den mut zu dem, + was er eigentlich weiß." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"was aus liebe getan wird, + geschieht immer jenseits von gut und böse." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"wer ein warum hat, dem ist kein wie zu schwer." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"menschen, welche rasch feuer fangen, + werden schnell kalt und sind daher im ganzen unzuverlässig." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"es ist immer etwas wahnsinn in der liebe. + es ist aber auch immer etwas vernunft im wahnsinn." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"die philosophie ist eine art rache an der wirklichkeit." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"der besitz der wahrheit ist nicht schrecklich, + sondern langweilig, wie jeder besitz." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"man sagt nicht 'nichts!', man sagt dafür 'jenseits' oder 'gott'." + - friedrich nietzsche +% +"the vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." + - george w. bush +% +"i have made good judgments in the past. + i have made good judgments in the future." + - george w. bush +% +"we have a firm commitment to nato, we are a part of nato. + we have a firm commitment to europe. we are a part of europe." + - george w. bush +% +"we are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." + - george w. bush +% +"for nasa, space is still a high priority." + - george w. bush +% +"quite frankly, teachers are the only profession + that teach our children." + - george w. bush +% +"it isn't pollution that's harming the environment. + it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." + - dan quayle +% +"it's time for the human race to enter the solar system." + - george w. bush +% +"africa is a nation..." + - george w. bush +% +"all unser übel kommt daher, + daß wir nicht allein sein können." + -- schopenhauer +% +"we are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, + and the machine is bleeding to death." + -- godspeed you black emperor! +% +love your enemies; they'll go crazy +trying to figure out what you're up to. +% +"violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" + -- isaac asimov +% +the irony is that bill gates claims to be making a stable operating +system and linus torvalds claims to be trying to take over the world. +% +the security, stability and reliability of a computer system +is reciprocally proportional to +the amount of vacuity between the ears of the admin. +% +"a man who does not realise + that he is half an animal + is only half a man." + -- thornton wilder +% +who's general failure, and why's he reading my disk? +% +"be the change you want to see in the world" + -- mahatma gandhi +% +micro$oft windoze is like an air-conditioner: +it breaks down if you open a window. +% +"never underestimate the bandwidth of + a station wagon full of tapes careening down the highway." + -- andrew s. tanenbaum +% +"all language designers are arrogant. goes with the territory..." + -- larry wall +% +the best way to accelerate +a computer running windoze +is at 9.81 ms^-2 +% +"i have smoked pot. it is a stupid business, like masturbation." + -- thomas pynchon +% +"every day is long. 86400 doesn't fit in a short." +% +"computer science is no more about computers + than astronomy is about telescopes." + -- edsgar w. dijkstra +% +"we all know linux is great... + it does infinite loops in 5 seconds." + -- linus torvalds +% +a qui sait comprendre, peu de mots suffisent. + -- intelligenti pauca +% +the reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream +is because it is so shallow. +% +government announcement - the government announced today that it is +changing its mascot to a condom because it more clearly reflects the +government's political stance. a condom stands up to inflation, halts +production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks +and finally, gives you a sense of security while you're being screwed! +% +there are lies, statistics, and benchmarks. +% +seminars, n.: + from "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion. +% +the only secure micro$oft software is +what's still shrink-wrapped in the warehouse. +% +unix, because rebooting is for adding new hardware. +% +perl -e 'print "The earth is a disk!\n" if ( "a" == "b" );' + (dedicated to nori) +% +perl -e 'print "The earth is a disk!\n" if ( "earth" == "flat" );' +% +whatever you do will be insignificant, +but it is very important that you do it. + -- mahatma gandhi +% +i welcome your constructive criticism and corrections. +% +"if they can get you asking the wrong questions, + they don't have to worry about answers." + -- thomas pynchon +% +"out of the crooked timber of humanity, + no straight thing was ever made." + -- imanuel kant +% +"it is impossible to foresee the consequences of being clever." + -- cristopher strachey +% +... and don't get caught in the .NET! +% +for years, we have thought that a million monkeys typing at a million +typewriters would eventually produce the complete works of shakespeare. +today, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true. +% +work like you don't need the money +love like you have never been hurt +dance like there's nobody watching +% +a friend is someone with whom +you can dare to be yourself +% +beware of bugs in the above code; +i have only proved it correct, not tried it. + -- donald e. knuth +% +i must confess, I was born at a very early age. + -- groucho marx +% +military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. + -- groucho marx +% +time wounds all heels. + -- groucho marx +% +it is better to have loft and lost +than to never have loft at all. + -- groucho marx +% +a woman is an occasional pleasure +but a cigar is always a smoke. + -- groucho marx +% +one morning i shot an elephant in my pyjamas. +how he got into my pyjamas i'll never know. + -- groucho marx +% +what do you mean, it's not packaged in debian? +% +"self-denial is the shining sore + on the leprous body of christianity." + -- oscar wilde +% +"no woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. + it looks so calculating." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the well-bred contradict other people. + the wise contradict themselves." + -- oscar wilde +% +"a man's very highest moment is, i have no doubt at all, when he + kneels in the dust, and beats his breast, and tells all the sins of + his life." + -- oscar wilde +% +"alas, i am dying beyond my means." + -- oscar wilde +% +"crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones." + -- oscar wilde +% +"she is absolutely inadmissible into society. many a woman has a past, + but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit." + -- oscar wilde +% +"education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time + to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the public is wonderfully tolerant. + it forgives everything except genius." + -- oscar wilde +% +"frank harris has been received + in all the great houses -- once!" + -- oscar wilde +% +"i sometimes think that god + in creating man + somewhat overestimated his ability." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the husbands of very beautiful women + belong to the criminal classes." + -- oscar wilde +% +"imagination is a quality given a man + to compensate him for what he is not, + and a sense of humour was provided + to console him for what he is." + -- oscar wilde +% +"those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: + it is the faithless who know love's tragedies." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. + it is an instrument on which one plays, that is all." + -- oscar wilde +% +"a kiss may ruin a human life." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. + it is like a bric-à-brac shop, all monsters and dust, + with everything priced above its proper value." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the liar at any rate recognises that recreation, not instruction, is + the aim of conversation, and is a far more civilised being than the + blockhead who loudly expresses his disbelief in a story which is told + simply for the amusement of the company." + -- oscar wilde +% +"literature always anticipates life. + it does not copy it, but moulds it to its purpose. + the nineteenth century, as we know it, + is largely an invention of balzac." + -- oscar wilde +% +"when a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. + when a man marries again it is because he adored his first wife. + women try their luck; men risk theirs." + -- oscar wilde +% +"my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, + they don't know anything at all." + -- oscar wilde +% +"women love us for our defects. + if we have enough of them, + they will forgive us everything, + even our gigantic intellects." + -- oscar wilde +% +"it is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned." + -- oscar wilde +% +"of course the music is a great difficulty. + you see, if one plays good music, people don't listen, + and if one plays bad music people don't talk." + -- oscar wilde +% +"no work of art ever puts forward views. + views belong to people + who are not artists." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the condition of perfection is idleness. + the aim of perfection is youth." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the sick do not ask + if the hand that smoothes their pillow is pure, + nor the dying care + if the lips that touch their brow have known the kiss of sin." + -- oscar wilde +% +"men always want to be a woman's first love. + women have a more subtle instinct: + what they like is to be a man's last romance." + -- oscar wilde +% +"nothing can cure the soul but the senses, + just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul." + -- oscar wilde +% +"never speak disrespectfully of society. + only people who can't get into it do that." + -- oscar wilde +% +"to have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact, + talk to every woman as if you loved her, + and to every man as if he bored you." + -- oscar wilde +% +"one should never trust a woman who tells her real age. + if she tells that, she will tell anything." + -- oscar wilde +% +"vulgarity is simply the conduct of other people." + -- oscar wilde +% +"wickedness is a myth + invented by good people + to account for the curious attraction of others." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the strength of women comes from the fact + that psychology cannot explain us. + men can be analyzed, women merely adored." + -- oscar wilde +% +"i've got a bike, + you can ride it if you like, + it's got a basket. a bell that rings, and things to make it look good. + i'd give it to you if i could, + but i borrowed it." + -- syd barrett, 1967 +% +this space intentionally left blank. +% +this space intentionally left occupied. +% +micro$oft windoze - the best solitaire game you can buy. +% +last year, out in california, at a pc users group, there was a demo of +smart speech recognition software. before the demonstrator could begin +his demo, a voice called out from the audience: "format c, return. +yes, return." a short demo it was. +% +*** important disclaimer: +by sending an email to any address, that will eventually cause it to +end up in my inbox without much interaction, you are agreeing that: + + - i am by definition, "the intended recipient" + - all information in the email is mine to do with as i see fit and + make such financial profit, political mileage, or good joke as it + lends itself to. in particular, i may quote it on usenet. + - i may take the contents as representing the views of your company. + - this overrides any disclaimer or statement of confidentiality that + may be included on your message. +% +my other computer is your windows box. +% +echo '9,J8HD,fDGG8B@?:536FC5=8@I;C5?@H5B0D@5GBIELD54DL>@8L?:5GDEJ8LDG1' |\ + sed ss,s50EBsg | tr 0-M 'p.wBt SgiIlxmLhan:o,erDsduv/cyP' +% +micro$oft encrypts your windows nt password when stored on a windows +ce device. but if you look carefully at their encryption algorithm, +they simply xor the password with "susageP", Pegasus spelled +backwards. Pegasus is the code name of windows ce. this is so pathetic +it's staggering. +% +"an intellectual is someone who has found + something more interesting than sex." + -- edgar wallace +% +after you install windows xp, you have the option to create user +accounts. if you create user accounts, by default, they will have an +account type of administrator with no password. way to go! +% +the remote desktop feature of windows xp is really nice (and +*novel*!). a micro$oft consultant can *remotely* disable the personal +firewall and control the system. we'll ignore the fact that this +tampering with the firewall is not logged, and more importantly, that +the firewall isn't restored when the clowns from redmond are done with +their job. +% +"oh what a tangled web we weave, + when first we practice to deceive. + but my how we improve the score, + as we practice more and more." + -- sir walter scott +% +"you grabbed my hand and we fell into it, + like a daydream - or a fever." + -- godspeed you black emperor! +% +there is no place like ~ +% +http://www.transnationalrepublic.org/ +% +sed -e '/^[when][coders]/!d' \ + -e '/^...[discover].$/d' \ + -e '/^..[real].[code]$/!d' \ + /usr/share/dict/words +% +"welcome to american airlines, sir. here's your avocado - remember to + keep it turned on and with you at all times. please turn your luggage + over to the armadillos for rootling." + -- http://azure.humbug.org.au/~aj/armadillos.txt +% +"security here. yes, ma'am. yes. groucho glasses. yes, we're on it. + c'mon, guys. somebody gave an aardvark a nose-cut: somebody who + can't deal with deconstructionist humor. code blue." + -- http://azure.humbug.org.au/~aj/armadillos.txt +% +man muss noch chaos in sich haben +um einen tanzenden stern zu gebähren. + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +die wahrheit ist selten +auf seiten der wahrscheinlichkeit. + -- heinrich v. kleist +% +linux is like a wigwam. +no gates, no windoze, and an apache inside. +% +it has been said that there are only two businesses +that refer to customers as users: +illegal drug trade and the computer industry. +% +"there are two major products that come out of berkeley: lsd and unix." + one caused me an addiction + -- fyodor +% +"there are two major products that come out of berkeley: lsd and unix. + we don't believe this to be a coincidence." + -- jeremy s. anderson +% +if loving linux is wrong, i don't want to be right. +% +http://www.vcnet.com/bms/ +% +http://kirch.net/unix-nt/ +% +"sailing is, after all, a kind of grace, a kind of magic." + -- phil berman +% +a c programmer asked whether computers have buddha's nature. +as the answer, the master did "rm -rf" on the programmer's home +directory. and then the c programmer became enlightened... +% +someday we'll find it +the rainbow connection +the lovers, the dreamers, +and me! + -- kermit +% +i wish this wish not to be granted! + -- achilles (hofstadter's geb) +% +kermit: why are there so many songs about rainbows? +fozzy: that's part of what rainbows do. +% +"nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit." + -- seneca +% +when compared to windoze, unix is an operating system. +% +it may look like i'm just sitting here doing nothing. +but i'm really actively waiting +for all my problems to go away. +% +quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of. +% +due to lack of interest tomorrow has been cancelled. +% +this message represents the official view of the voices in my head. +% +your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. you feel sleepy. notice +how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. close your eyes. the +opinions stated above are yours. you cannot imagine why you ever felt +otherwise. +% +it's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry. +% +the micro$oft hoover: finally, a product that's supposed to suck! +% +(a)bort, (r)etry, (p)retend this never happened +% +"there's someone in my head but it's not me." + -- pink floyd, the dark side of the moon, 1972 +% +the reason that every major university +maintains a department of mathematics +is that it's cheaper than +institutionalizing all those people. +% +"in just seven days, i can make you a man!" + -- the rocky horror picture show +% +tempt not a desperate man. + -- william shakespeare +% +scientists will study your brain to learn +more about your distant cousin, man. +% +micro$oft dns service terminates abnormally +when it receives a response +to a dns query that was never made. +fix information: run your dns service on a different platform. + -- bugtraq +% +in africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the +ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. anthropologists +call this a form of primitive self-expression. in america they call +it golf. +% +nasa spent 2 billion dollars on the research of a ballpoint pen that +could write on everything, even upside down, under water, or at +extreme temperatures; the russians used a pencil. + (but see: http://www.snopes.com/business/genius/spacepen.asp) +% +obviously i was either onto something, or on something. + -- larry wall on the creation of perl +% +if god had meant for us to be naked, +we would have been born that way. +% +fashions have done more harm than revolutions. + -- victor hugo +% +kill ugly radio + -- frank zappa +% +linux: because a pc is a terrible thing to waste +% +"time flies like an arrow. fruit flies like a banana." + -- groucho marx +(panda eats shoots and leaves) +% +it's as bad as you think, and they are out to get you. +% +warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear. +% +always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. +% +consciousness: that annoying time between naps. +% +have you drugged your kids today? +% +"a compliment is like a kiss through a veil." + -- victor hugo +% +"si tu veux construire un bateau, il ne faut pas réunir des hommes +pour aller chercher le bois et les outils et les préparer à se +répartir les différents travaux. Il faut plutôt leur donner l'envie, +la passion de la mer infinie." + -- antoine de saint-exupéry +% +"and the sea isn't green + and i love the queen + and what exactly is a dream? + and what exactly is a joke?" + -- syd barrett +% +"driving with a destination + is like having sex to have children" + -- backwater wayne miller +% +"memory is like an orgasm. + it's a lot better + if you don't have to fake it." + -- seymour cray commenting on virtual memory + +"but virtual memory still gets the job done." + -- gr +% +hi! i'm a .signature virus! +copy me into your ~/.signature to help me spread! +% +#define emacs eighty megabytes and constantly swapping. +% +Escape Meta Alt Control Shift +% +"it is the mark of an educated mind + to be able to entertain a thought + without accepting it." + -- aristoteles +% +"it would be truly surprising + if sound were not capable of suggesting colour, + if colours could not give the idea of the melody, + if sound and colour were not adequate to express ideas." + -- claude debussy +% +"you raise the blade, you make the change + you rearrange me till i'm sane. + you lock the door, and throw away the key, + there's someone in my head but it's not me." + -- pink floyd, 1972 +% +"in any hierarchy, each individual rises + to his own level of incompetence, + and then remains there." + -- murphy (after dr. laurence j. peter) +% +"gilmour's guitar sounds good + whether you've got a bottle of cider in your hand + or a keyboard and a mouse." + -- prof. bruce maxwell +% +"and if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear + you shout and no one seems to hear + and if the band you're in starts playing different tunes + i'll see you on the dark side of the moon." + -- pink floyd, 1972 +% +"and no one sings me lullabies, + and no one makes me close my eyes, + and so i throw the windows wide, + and call to you across the sky" + -- pink floyd, 1971 +% +"friendships last when each friend thinks he has + a slight superiority over the other." + -- honoré de balzac +% +"the only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of + the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that + I have always cultivated." + -- oscar wilde +% +heisenberg may have been here. +% +no cat has eight tails. +a cat has one tail more than no cat. +therefore, a cat has nine tails. +% +"when I was a boy I was told + that anybody could become president. + now i'm beginning to believe it." + -- clarence darrow +% +"even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me." + -- aristophanes +% +"a mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." + -- paul erdös +% +"my father, a good man, told me: +'never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it.'" + -- erich maria remarque +% +"syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon." + -- epigrams in programming +% +"imagine if every thursday your shoes exploded if you + tied them the usual way. this happens to us all the time + with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining." + -- jeff raskin +% +"god is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." + -- voltaire +% +"no problem is so formidable + that you can't just walk away from it." + -- c. schulz +% +may the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. +% +"we should have a volleyballocracy. + we elect a six-pack of presidents. + each one serves until they screw up, + at which point they rotate." + -- dennis miller +% +an avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume. +% +there's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to. +% +"i wish there was a knob on the tv to turn up the intelligence. + there's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't seem to work." + -- gallagher +% +click the start menu and select 'shut down.' +% +"in the stage of grand illusion + you walked into my life + out of my dreams." + -- david bowie +% +echo '[dO%O+38%O+PO/d0<0]Fi22os0CC4BA64E418CE7l0xAP' | dc +% +it said "needs windoze 98 or better," so i installed linux. +% +oxymoron: micro$oft works +% +"it usually takes more than three weeks + to prepare a good impromptu speech. + -- mark twain +% +"if beethoven's seventh symphony + is not by some means abridged, + it will soon fall into disuse." + -- philip hale, boston music critic, 1837 +% +don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon. +% +never underestimate the power of human stupidity. +% +"mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images." + -- jean cocteau +% +all of you that believe in telekinetics, raise my hand! +% +"i believe that the moment is near when by a procedure + of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible + to systematise confusion and contribute to + the total discrediting of the world of reality." + -- salvador dali +% +i'd rather be riding a high speed tractor +with a beer on my lap, +and a six pack of girls next to me. +% +"women who want to be equal to men lack ambition." + -- timothy leary +% +"no, 'eureka' is greek for 'this bath is too hot.'" + -- dr. who +% +"the human brain is like an enormous fish -- + it is flat and slimy + and has gills through which it can see." + -- monty python +% +the only real advantage to punk music is +that nobody can whistle it. +% +"this week dragged past me so slowly; + the days fell on their knees..." + -- david bowie +% +"when faced with a new problem, the wise algorithmist + will first attempt to classify it as np-complete. + this will avoid many tears and tantrums as + algorithm after algorithm fails." + -- g. niruta +% +i'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. +% +humpty was pushed. +% +a gourmet concerned about calories +is like a punter eyeing the clock. +% +micro$oft is to operating systems & security +what mcdonalds is to gourmet cuisine. +% +"in the country of the blind, + the one-eyed man is not king. + he is taken to be a hallucinating lunatic." + -marshall mcluhan +% +"in contrast to the what-you-see-is-what-you-get philosophy, + unix is the you-asked-for-it,-you-got-it operating system." + --scott lee +% +la lune, c'est comme les canards +il faut aimer caresser les chats +pour avoir envie d'y aller. +% +"micro$oft productivity software" + - see reductio ad absurdum, conclusions. +% +no micro$oft components were used +in the creation or posting of this email. +therefore, it is 100% virus free +and does not use html by default (yuck!). +% +"information superhighway" + is just an anagram for +"i'm on a huge wispy rhino fart". +% +micro$oft windoze: proof that p. t. barnum was correct. +% +chaos reigns within. +reflect, repent, reboot. +order shall return. +% +wind catches lily, +scattering petals to the ground. +segmentation fault. +% +no keyboard present. +press f1 to continue. +zen engineering. +% +windoze nt crashed. +i am the blue screen of death. +no one hears your screams. +% +above all, we should not wish to divest +our existence of its rich ambiguity. + --friedrich nietzsche +% +-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- +Version: 3.12 +GCS/IT d- s: a-- C++(++++) UL+++(++++) P+ L++++ E--- W- N+ o-- K !w O- +M- V PS+(+++) PE(--) Y+ PGP++ t- 5 !X R- !tv b+(++) DI--(+) D++(+++) +G+ e>++++ h* r+>++ y+++++>+(++) +------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------ +% + . `___ +(o- (o- (o- (o- (o- (o- (o- /\/| | | +//\ //\ //\ //\ //\ //\ //\ ` /\/\/l-+-| +v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ .` /\/\/|_|_| +% +microsoft: for when quality, reliability, and security + just aren't that important! +% +perl -e 'print $i=pack(c5,(41*2),sqrt(7056),(unpack(c,H)-2),oct(115),10);' +% +windoze 98: useless extension to a minor patch release for 32-bit + extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit + operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written + by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 bit of competition. +% +"... doch warum sollte nicht jeder einzelne + aus seinem leben ein kunstwerk machen koennen?" + -- michel foucault +% +"there are more things in heaven and earth, horatio, + than are dreamt of in your philosophy." + -- hamlet +% +because light travels faster than sound, +some people appear to be intelligent, +until you hear them speak. +% +"if I can't dance, i don't want to be part of your revolution." + - emma goldman +% +"for art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to + exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: + intoxication." + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +redistribution of this email via the +microsoft network is prohibited. +% +"with sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. however, this is not + necessarily a good idea. it is hard to be sure where they are going + to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly + overhead." + -- rfc 1925 +% +echo Prpv a\'rfg cnf har cvcr | tr Pacfghnrvp Cnpstuaeic +% +"common sense is the collection + of prejudices acquired by age eighteen" + -- albert einstein +% +the unix philosophy basically involves +giving you enough rope to hang yourself. +and then some more, just to be sure. +% +the heineken uncertainty principle: + you can never be sure how many + beers you had last night. +% +"in a country where the sole employer is the state, opposition means + death by slow starvation. the old principle: who does not work shall + not eat, has been replaced by a new one: who does not obey shall not + eat." + -- leon trotsky, 1937 +% +if god is perfect, why did he create discontinuous functions? +% +"a woman is like your shadow; + follow her, she flies; + fly from her, she follows." + -- sébastien-roch-nicolas chamfort +% +philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems. +% +quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. +% +"prisons are built with stones of law, + brothels with bricks of religion." + -- william blake +% +people with narrow minds usually have broad tongues. +% +"good advice is something a man gives + when he is too old to set a bad example. + -- la rouchefoucauld +% +"love is a grave mental disease." + -- platon +% +"marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." + -- voltaire +% +"this sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't." + -- douglas hofstadter +% +"once ... in the wilds of afghanistan, i lost my corkscrew, and we + were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days." + -- w. c. fields, "my little chickadee" +% +the only difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman +is that the car salesman knows he's lying. +% +gentoo: the performance placebo. +% +apt-get source --compile gentoo +% +military justice is to justice what military music is to music. + -- groucho marx +% +it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool +than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. +% +"i like young girls. their stories are shorter." + -- tom mcguane +% +"let me take you down, 'cause i'm going to strawberry fields. + nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout. + strawberry fields forever." + -- the beatles +% +"picture yourself in a boat on a river + with tangerine trees and marmelade skies..." + -- the beatles +% +"everyone smiles as you drift past the flower + that grows so incredibly high." + -- the beatles +% +"it always takes longer than you expect, even when + you take into account hofstadter's law." + -- douglas hofstadter +% +an egg has the shortest sex-life of all: if gets laid once; it gets +eaten once. it also has to come in a box with 11 others, and the +only person who will sit on its face is its mother. +% +be careful of reading health books -- you might die of a misprint. + -- mark twain +% +half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be. +but half the bee has got to be, vis-a-vis its entity. you see? +but can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee, +when half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury? + -- monty python +% +"if you stew apples like cranberries, + they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does." + -- groucho marx +% +"in diving to the bottom of pleasure + we bring up more gravel than pearls." + -- honoré de balzac +% +"it is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason + that it is more difficult to be witty every day + than to say pretty things from time to time." + -- honoré de balzac +% +"when women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; + when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, + not even our virtues." + -- honoré de balzac +% +"i think, therefore i'm single" + -- lizz winstead +% +"a woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking + his retreat." + -- oscar wilde +% +"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled + was convincing the world he didn't exist." + -- verbal kint (the usual suspects) +% +"the problem with america is stupidity. i'm not saying there should + be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take + the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve + itself?" + -- seen on irc +% +"work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. + play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do." + -- mark twain +% +"those are my principles, and if you don't like them... + well, I have others." + -- groucho marx +% +murphy's law is recursive. +washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. +% +"the faster i go, the behinder i get." + -- lewis carroll +% +"the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." + -- oscar wilde +% +"first get your facts; then you can distort them at your leisure." + -- mark twain +% +"i don't think so," said rene descartes. just then, he vanished. +% +"a mac is like a prostitute. sure they look good, + but your wallet will feel a lot lighter after getting one." + -- psychonate on irc +% +god is dead. + -- nietzsche +nietzsche is dead. + -- god +nietzsche is god. + -- dead +% +"you don't sew with a fork, so i see no reason + to eat with knitting needles." + -- miss piggy, on eating chinese food +% +"they redundantly repeated themselves over and over, + incessantly without end and ad infinitum" + -- ibid +% +"i always had a repulsive need to be something more than human." + -- david bowie +% +"verbing weirds language." + -- calvin +% +russian roulette on the shell: ((RANDOM % 6)) || rm -rf ~ +% +"everyone has a little secret he keeps, + i like the fires when the city sleeps." + -- mc 900 ft jesus +% +"the perfect gun is an idealist without any ideal." + -- mc 900 ft jesus +% +anyone who says sunshine brings happiness +has never danced in the rain. +% +"truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because + fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isnt." + -- mark twain +% +"he gave me his card + he said, 'call me if they die' + i shook his hand and said goodbye + ran out to the street + when a bowling ball came down the road + and knocked me off my feet" + -- bob dylan +% +"wer in einem gewissen alter nicht merkt, daß er hauptsächlich von + idioten umgeben ist, merkt das aus einem gewissen grund nicht." + -- kurt götz +% +"try to remove the color-problem by + restarting your computer several times." + -- microsoft internet explorer's readme.txt +% +"on the other hand, with the advent of msvc 5, i can claim i use + emacs because it's smaller and more efficient." :-)" + -- darin johnson +% +"william blake, you're a dead man!" + -- nobody +% +"'this must be a thursday,' said arthur to himself, sinking low over + his beer. 'i never could get the hang of thursdays.'" + -- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy +% +"arthur slapped his arms about himself to try and get his + circulation a little more enthusiastic about its job." + -- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy +% +"if there's anything more important than my ego, + i want it caught and shot now." + -- zaphod beeblebrox +% +"'the answer to the great question...' + 'of life, the universe and everything...' said deep thought. + 'is...' said deep thought, and paused. + 'is...' + 'forty-two,' said deep thought, with infinite majesty and calm." + -- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy +% +"there was silence for a moment, and then out of the scrambled mess + of arthur's brain crawled some words." + -- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy +% +"the word yellow wandered through his mind in search of something to + connect with." + -- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy +% +"the ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." + -- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy +% +"if english was good enough for jesus christ, + it's good enough for us." + -- miriam ferguson, governor of texas +% +"to every complex problem, there is a solution + which is short, simple, and wrong." + -- mencken +% +"perhaps debian is concerned more about technical excellence rather + than ease of use by breaking software. in the former we may excel. + in the latter we have to concede the field to microsoft. guess + where i want to go today?" + -- manoj srivastava +% +"doesn't he know who i think i am?" + -- phil collins +% +"courage is not the absence of fear, but the decision + that something else is more important than fear." + -- ambrose redmoon +% +"cs class at 8:30am. ugly. if you can wake up early enough to get + good grades here, you need to develop hacker habits..." + -- jeff bailey on #debian-devel +% +"men who say it cannot be done should not interrupt men doing it." + -- old chinese proverb +% +"never attribute to malice what can be + adequately explained by incompetence." + -- mark twain +% +"i feel sorry for people who don't drink. when they wake up in the + morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." + -- frank sinatra +% +now I lay me back to sleep. +the speaker's dull; the subject's deep. +if he should stop before I wake, +give me a nudge for goodness' sake. +% +* Overfiend came out of the womb complaining. + -- #debian-devel +% +there are two groups of people in the world: those who believe that +the world can be divided into two groups of people, and those who +don't. +% +"when a gentoo admin tells me that the KISS principle is good for + 'busy sysadmins', and that it's not an evolutionary step backwards, + i wonder whether their tape is already running backwards." +% +"arrogance on the part of the meritorious is even more + offensive to us than the arrogance of those without merit: + for merit itself is offensive." + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +never trust an operating system +for which you do not have the source. + -- source unknown +% +"i am a deeply superficial person." + -- andy warhol +% +"half a bee, philosophically, + must ipso facto half not be." + -- monty python +% +it is better to have loved a short man +than never to have loved a tall. +% + has /usr/bin/emacs been put into /etc/shells yet? :P +% +quick!! act as if nothing has happened! +% +"people don't want a president to say 'never'. + using violence is never the first choice of the president". + -- george w. bush +% +"i always choose my friends for their good looks and my enemies for + their good intellects. man cannot be too careful in his choice of + enemies." + -- oscar wilde +% +micro$oft windows psychic edition: +we will tell you where you are going tomorrow. +% +"the search for the perfect martini is a fraud. the perfect martini + is a belt of gin from the bottle; anything else is the decadent + trappings of civilization." + -- t. k. +% +if you see an onion ring -- answer it! +% +"i wish i hadn't slept all day, it's really lowered my productivity" + -- robert mcqueen +% +life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. +% +"we americans, we're a simple people... + but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities." + -- robin williams, good morning vietnam +% +a bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once. +% +"here i was all convinced that if i sleep all day, bug counts go + down, and if I work all day, they go up, so much for that theory." + -- lars wirzenius +% +"wenn elephanten tanzen leidet das gras." + -- die vogelpredigt +% +sex an und für sich ist reine selbstbefriedigung. +% +"the surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in + higher esteem those who think alike than those who think + differently." + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +"writing a book is like washing an elephant: there no good place to + begin or end, and it's hard to keep track of what you've already + covered." + -- anonymous +% +"if builders built buildings the way + programmers wrote programs, + then the first woodpecker that came along + would destroy civilization." + -- gerald weinberg +% +"the only difference between shakespeare and you + was the size of his idiom list -- not the size of his vocabulary." + -- alan perlis +% +"fools ignore complexity. pragmatics suffer it. + some can avoid it. geniuses remove it." + -- alan perlis +% +save the plankton - eat a whale. +% +"you don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason + to eat with knitting needles." + -- miss piggy, on eating chinese food +% +"the less you know about computers the more you want micro$oft!" + -- micro$oft ad campaign, circa 1996 +(proof that micro$oft's advertising _isn't_ dishonest!) +% +"a woman does not want the truth; what is truth to women? from the + beginning, nothing has been more alien, repugnant, and hostile to + woman than the truth - her great art is the lie, her highest + concern is mere appearance and beauty." + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +"if java had true garbage collection, + most programs would delete themselves upon execution." + -- robert sewell +% +"there was no difference between the behavior of a god + and the operations of pure chance..." + -- thomas pynchon, "gravity's rainbow" +% +windows v.i.s.t.a.: viruses, infections, spyware, trojans and adware +% +"es ist gut, eine sache doppelt auszudrücken und ihr einen + rechten und linken fuß zu geben. auf einem bein kann die wahrheit + zwar stehen; mit zweien aber wird sie gehen und herumkommen." + -- friedrich nietzsche +% +"vista is evidentally latvian for "hen", and "perating system", that + is, OS without the o, means "system for making eggs." so vista is at + least useful come breakfast time?" + -- kit la touche +% +a common mistake that people make +when trying to design something completely foolproof +was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. + -- douglas adams, "mostly harmless" +% +... the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid +animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you -- +daft as a bush, but very very ravenous); + -- douglas adams, "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" +% +a Hooloovoo is a superintelligent shade of the color blue. + -- douglas adams, "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" +% +"'oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove + that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra + crossing." + -- douglas adams, "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" +% +"funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse + it suddenly does." + -- marvin +% +... with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, +but not quite, entirely unlike tea. + -- douglas adams, "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" +% +only by counting could humans demonstrate +their independence of computers. + -- douglas adams, "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" +% +the images rushed around his mind and tried +to find somewhere to settle down and make sense. + -- douglas adams, "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" +% +"there are lots of reasons not to use linux. + there just aren't any good ones." + --steven j. vaughan-nichols +% +"in the figure of the president, george w. bush, the incompetence, + stupidity, and sheer inhumanity that characterize so much of + america's money-mad corporate elite find their quintessentially + repulsive expression." + -- journalist, aftermath of katrina +% +"i started taking an online a.d.d. test, linked from + someone's blog. i never finished it; i got distracted, and clicked + on random other shiny things" + -- andres salomon +% +"... and so he killed Miguel in a rit of fealous jage." + -- inspector clouseau +% +"it takes more keystrokes to enter a windows license key + than it takes to do a complete debian desktop install!" + -- joey hess +% +"writing a book about debian + is like hitting a moving target + with a champagne bottle cork." + -- arky +% +"ich bin ein berliner!" (i am a jelly donut) + -- john fitzgerald kennedy +% +"she was rather too intelligent and competent-looking to be + considered entirely beautiful, but all the more attractive because + of it." + -- george spencer-brown, "a lion's teeth" +% +minchinhampton (n.): the expression on a man's face when he has just +zipped up his trousers without due care and attention. + -- douglas adams, the meaning of liff +% +all software projects are done by iterative prototyping. +some companies call their prototypes "releases", that's all. +% +"the stripes on the highway began to unreel beneath her in a dizzying + blur as if all those grains of sand had lost their bearings and were + falling all over each other just trying to get out of the way to make + room for the next moment, or instant, or tick of the clock" +-- mc 900 ft jesus (http://www.theendoftheworld.org/900/spider1.shtml) +% +"for her, the dashed lines on the freeway were like grains of sand + slipping, through an hour glass, ticking away the seconds, the + minutes, and the hours of her life. if she got home a few minutes + early on any given afternoon, it gave her a thrill as if she had + stolen a little something back from death." +-- mc 900 ft jesus (http://www.theendoftheworld.org/900/spider1.shtml) +% +"health? what good is your health when you're otherwise an idiot?" + -- theodor w. adorno +% +"brevity is the soul of wit." + -- polonius (hamlet) +"brevity is ... wit." + -- the simpsons +% +"the scientific paper in its orthodox form does embody a totally + mistaken conception, even a travesty, of the nature of scientific + thought." + -- sir peter medawar +% +review of a chemistry paper: + "paper should be greatly reduced or completely oxidized." + -- frank vastola +% +"the college students who are using lsd and marijuana today do not + comprise a criminal class. they are not drug addicts seeking to + escape. they're your best educated, your most creative, and your + most couragious, young people. and like it or not, they might build + you a new civilisation." -- porcupine tree, voyage 34 +% +"a human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, + butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, + balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take + orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze + a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, + fight efficiently, die gallantly. specialization is for insects." + -- robert heinlein +% +ubuntu is an ancient african word meaning "i can't install debian." + -- unknown +% +a farmer is a man outstanding in his field. +% +"by accepting this brick through your window, you accept it as is + and agree to my disclaimer of all warranties, express or implied, + as well as disclaimers of all liability, direct, indirect, + consequential or incidental, that may arise from the installation + of this brick into your building." -- seen on irc +% +"academia is really just a way to help those with high volumes of + nothing to say to social status." + -- myself on #debian-devel, 01 Feb 2007 +% +"the most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds + new discoveries, is not 'eureka!' but 'that's funny...'" + -- isaac asimov +% +the united nations did a poll about food. the only question they asked +was: "could you please give your honest opinion about a solution for +the shortage of food in the rest of the world?" this poll failed +because: + - in africa they didn't know what food was.... + - in eastern-europe they didn't know what honest was.... + - in western-europe they didn't know what shortage was... + - in china they didn't know what opinion was... + - in the middle-east they didn't know what solution was... + - in south-america they didn't know what please was... + - and in the usa they didn't know what "the rest of the world" was... +% +"mein gott, selbst ein huhn kann debian installieren, wenn du genug + koerner auf die enter-taste legst." + -- thomas koehler in de.alt.sysadmin.recovery +% +"i've been listening to my gut since i was 14 years old, and frankly + speaking, i've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for + brains." + -- rob gordon (john cusack in "high fidelity") +% +"never eat more than you can lift." + -- miss piggy +% +"...the prevailing catholic odor - incense, wax, centuries of mild + bleating from the lips of the flock." + -- thomas pynchon, gravity's rainbow +% +"we did rate the microsoft security researcher as + less-bad than the people who prepare the carcasses for dissection in + biology laboratories." + -- michael moyer, executive editor of _popular science_ +% +"whale feces or working at microsoft? i would probably be the whale + feces researcher. salt air and whale flatulence; what + could go wrong?" + -- michael moyer, executive editor of _popular science_ +% +"without a god, life is only a matter of opinion." + -- douglas adams +% +"the association on this web site and in peter chappell + publications, articles and books, made between remedy and diseases + is used for clarity, but is not the functional reality and does not + imply these resonances treat any disease. they merely vitalise and + inform the self healing system." + -- peter chappell +% +i stopped fighting my inner demons.. we're all on the same side now. +% +< Ganneff> more love +< Ganneff> latex good! + -- #debian-devel +% +"give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. teach a man to + fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. talk to a hungry man about fish, + and you're a consultant." + -- scott adams +% +"perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but + when there is nothing left to take away." + -- antoine de saint-exupéry +% +uʍop ǝpısdn sı ɹoʇıuoɯ ɹnoʎ +% +"toleranz heißt, die fehler der anderen entschuldigen. + takt heißt, sie nicht bemerken." + -- arthur schnitzler