"das internet wurde konzipiert, um einem atomschlag standzuhalten.
leider hatte kein militärstratege mit der deutschen telekom
gerechnet..."
- -- attila radnai
+ -- attila radnai
%
"next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the
nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those
refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by
convince himself that the war is just, and will thank god for the
better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque
- self-deception."
+ self-deception."
-- mark twain
%
in seattle, washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
gentoo gives those people a place to be that isn't in debian"
-- andrew suffield
%
-"all i know is that i'm being sued for unfair business
+"all i know is that i'm being sued for unfair business
practices by micro$oft. hello pot? it's kettle on line two."
-- michael robertson
%
"no survivors? then where do the stories come from I wonder?"
-- captain jack sparrow
%
-bush/cheney '04: the last vote you'll ever have to cast.
-%
DISCLAIMER: this entire message is privileged communication, intended
for the sole use of its recipients only. If you read it even though
you know you aren't supposed to, you're a poopy-head.
%
darwinism is nothing without enough dead bodies.
%
-do micro$oft's total cost of operation calculations
-include total cost of downtime?
-%
"montag, why do you burn books?"
"it's a job like any other, pay is good and there is a lot of variety."
-- ray bradbury (f451)
"never try to explain computers to a layman.
it's easier to explain sex to a virgin."
-- robert heinlein
-
+
(note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.)
%
"a fundamentalist is someone who hates sin more than he loves virtue."
"i must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini."
-- alexander woolcott
%
-you can't assign IP address 127.0.0.1 to the loopback adapter,
-because it is a reserved address for loopback devices.
- -- micro$oft windoze xp professional
-%
"i love deadlines. i like the whooshing
sound they make as they fly by."
-- douglas adams
but not semantically"
-- documentation of m$ visual c, around 1992
%
-security at micro$oft: how do we secure a billion dollar profit?
-%
seen on an advertising for an elaborate swiss men's watch:
"almost as complicated as a woman. except it's on time"
%
"i doubt larry wall ever uses strict."
-- frederick heckel
%
-micro$oft: "you've got questions? we've got dancing paperclips."
-%
-micro$oft could shit in a box, and most people would buy it.
-%
eleventh law of acoustics:
in a minimum-phase system there is an inextricable link between
frequency response, phase response and transient response, as they
god's left, i would choose the left."
-- gotthold lessing
%
-"lessing was a heretics' heretic"
+"lessing was a heretics' heretic"
-- walter kaufmann
%
before he died, rabbi zusya said: "in the world to come they will not
"if you can dream it, you can do it"
-- walt disney
%
-"the unexamined life is not worth living"
+"the unexamined life is not worth living"
-- platon
%
-bill gates, 1984: "640 k ought to be enough"
-bill gates, 1995: "the internet is not a primary goal for pc usage"
-bill gates, 1999: "linux has no impact on microsoft's strategy"
-bill gates, 2004: "we promise to solve the spam problem in two years"
-%
officer, arrest that man! he's whistling a copyrighted song.
%
"the truth is rarely pure and never simple. modern life would be very
-- oscar wilde
%
"i am not in favour of long engagements. they give people the
- opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage,
+ opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage,
which i think is never advisable."
-- oscar wilde
%
"man sagt nicht 'nichts!', man sagt dafür 'jenseits' oder 'gott'."
- friedrich nietzsche
%
-"the vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- - george w. bush
+"the vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
+ - george w. bush
%
"i have made good judgments in the past.
- i have made good judgments in the future."
- - george w. bush
+ i have made good judgments in the future."
+ - george w. bush
%
"we have a firm commitment to nato, we are a part of nato.
- we have a firm commitment to europe. we are a part of europe."
- - george w. bush
+ we have a firm commitment to europe. we are a part of europe."
+ - george w. bush
%
-"we are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- - george w. bush
+"we are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
+ - george w. bush
%
-"for nasa, space is still a high priority."
- - george w. bush
+"for nasa, space is still a high priority."
+ - george w. bush
%
"quite frankly, teachers are the only profession
- that teach our children."
- - george w. bush
+ that teach our children."
+ - george w. bush
%
"it isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
- it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
+ it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- dan quayle
%
-"it's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
+"it's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- george w. bush
%
"africa is a nation..."
"be the change you want to see in the world"
-- mahatma gandhi
%
-micro$oft windoze is like an air-conditioner:
-it breaks down if you open a window.
-%
"never underestimate the bandwidth of
a station wagon full of tapes careening down the highway."
-- andrew s. tanenbaum
seminars, n.:
from "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
%
-the only secure micro$oft software is
-what's still shrink-wrapped in the warehouse.
-%
unix, because rebooting is for adding new hardware.
%
perl -e 'print "The earth is a disk!\n" if ( "a" == "b" );'
%
... and don't get caught in the .NET!
%
-for years, we have thought that a million monkeys typing at a million
+for years, we have thought that a million monkeys typing at a million
typewriters would eventually produce the complete works of shakespeare.
today, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.
%
even our gigantic intellects."
-- oscar wilde
%
-"it is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned."
+"it is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned."
-- oscar wilde
%
"of course the music is a great difficulty.
%
this space intentionally left occupied.
%
-micro$oft windoze - the best solitaire game you can buy.
-%
last year, out in california, at a pc users group, there was a demo of
smart speech recognition software. before the demonstrator could begin
his demo, a voice called out from the audience: "format c, return.
*** important disclaimer:
by sending an email to any address, that will eventually cause it to
end up in my inbox without much interaction, you are agreeing that:
-
+
- i am by definition, "the intended recipient"
- all information in the email is mine to do with as i see fit and
make such financial profit, political mileage, or good joke as it
echo '9,J8HD,fDGG8B@?:536FC5=8@I;C5?@H5B0D@5GBIELD54DL>@8L?:5GDEJ8LDG1' |\
sed ss,s50EBsg | tr 0-M 'p.wBt SgiIlxmLhan:o,erDsduv/cyP'
%
-micro$oft encrypts your windows nt password when stored on a windows
-ce device. but if you look carefully at their encryption algorithm,
-they simply xor the password with "susageP", Pegasus spelled
-backwards. Pegasus is the code name of windows ce. this is so pathetic
-it's staggering.
-%
"an intellectual is someone who has found
something more interesting than sex."
-- edgar wallace
accounts. if you create user accounts, by default, they will have an
account type of administrator with no password. way to go!
%
-the remote desktop feature of windows xp is really nice (and
-*novel*!). a micro$oft consultant can *remotely* disable the personal
-firewall and control the system. we'll ignore the fact that this
-tampering with the firewall is not logged, and more importantly, that
-the firewall isn't restored when the clowns from redmond are done with
-their job.
-%
"oh what a tangled web we weave,
when first we practice to deceive.
but my how we improve the score,
scientists will study your brain to learn
more about your distant cousin, man.
%
-micro$oft dns service terminates abnormally
-when it receives a response
-to a dns query that was never made.
-fix information: run your dns service on a different platform.
- -- bugtraq
-%
in africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the
ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. anthropologists
call this a form of primitive self-expression. in america they call
it's a lot better
if you don't have to fake it."
-- seymour cray commenting on virtual memory
-
+
"but virtual memory still gets the job done."
-- gr
%
%
it said "needs windoze 98 or better," so i installed linux.
%
-oxymoron: micro$oft works
-%
"it usually takes more than three weeks
to prepare a good impromptu speech.
-- mark twain
a gourmet concerned about calories
is like a punter eyeing the clock.
%
-micro$oft is to operating systems & security
-what mcdonalds is to gourmet cuisine.
-%
"in the country of the blind,
the one-eyed man is not king.
he is taken to be a hallucinating lunatic."
il faut aimer caresser les chats
pour avoir envie d'y aller.
%
-"micro$oft productivity software"
- - see reductio ad absurdum, conclusions.
-%
-no micro$oft components were used
-in the creation or posting of this email.
-therefore, it is 100% virus free
-and does not use html by default (yuck!).
-%
"information superhighway"
is just an anagram for
"i'm on a huge wispy rhino fart".
%
-micro$oft windoze: proof that p. t. barnum was correct.
-%
chaos reigns within.
reflect, repent, reboot.
order shall return.
//\ //\ //\ //\ //\ //\ //\ ` /\/\/l-+-|
v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ v_/_ .` /\/\/|_|_|
%
-microsoft: for when quality, reliability, and security
- just aren't that important!
-%
perl -e 'print $i=pack(c5,(41*2),sqrt(7056),(unpack(c,H)-2),oct(115),10);'
%
-windoze 98: <n.> useless extension to a minor patch release for 32-bit
- extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit
- operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written
- by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 bit of competition.
-%
"... doch warum sollte nicht jeder einzelne
aus seinem leben ein kunstwerk machen koennen?"
-- michel foucault
intoxication."
-- friedrich nietzsche
%
-redistribution of this email via the
-microsoft network is prohibited.
-%
"with sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. however, this is not
necessarily a good idea. it is hard to be sure where they are going
to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly
but half the bee has got to be, vis-a-vis its entity. you see?
but can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee,
when half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?
- -- monty python
+ -- monty python
%
"if you stew apples like cranberries,
they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does."
idioten umgeben ist, merkt das aus einem gewissen grund nicht."
-- kurt götz
%
-"try to remove the color-problem by
- restarting your computer several times."
- -- microsoft internet explorer's readme.txt
-%
"on the other hand, with the advent of msvc 5, i can claim i use
emacs because it's smaller and more efficient." :-)"
-- darin johnson
-- old chinese proverb
%
"never attribute to malice what can be
- adequately explained by incompetence."
+ adequately explained by incompetence."
-- mark twain
%
"i feel sorry for people who don't drink. when they wake up in the
enemies."
-- oscar wilde
%
-micro$oft windows psychic edition:
-we will tell you where you are going tomorrow.
-%
"the search for the perfect martini is a fraud. the perfect martini
is a belt of gin from the bottle; anything else is the decadent
trappings of civilization."
%
life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.
%
-"we americans, we're a simple people...
+"we americans, we're a simple people...
but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities."
-- robin williams, good morning vietnam
%
to eat with knitting needles."
-- miss piggy, on eating chinese food
%
-"the less you know about computers the more you want micro$oft!"
- -- micro$oft ad campaign, circa 1996
-(proof that micro$oft's advertising _isn't_ dishonest!)
-%
"a woman does not want the truth; what is truth to women? from the
beginning, nothing has been more alien, repugnant, and hostile to
woman than the truth - her great art is the lie, her highest
bleating from the lips of the flock."
-- thomas pynchon, gravity's rainbow
%
-"we did rate the microsoft security researcher as
- less-bad than the people who prepare the carcasses for dissection in
- biology laboratories."
+"we did rate the microsoft security researcher as less-bad than the
+ people who prepare the carcasses for dissection in biology
+ laboratories."
-- michael moyer, executive editor of _popular science_
%
"whale feces or working at microsoft? i would probably be the whale
%
i stopped fighting my inner demons.. we're all on the same side now.
%
-< Ganneff> more love
-< Ganneff> latex good!
- -- #debian-devel
-%
"give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. teach a man to
fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. talk to a hungry man about fish,
and you're a consultant."
"toleranz heißt, die fehler der anderen entschuldigen.
takt heißt, sie nicht bemerken."
-- arthur schnitzler
+%
+"i'm hot, and when i'm not, i'm cold as ice"
+ -- ac/dc, "problem child"
+%
+spooning leads to forking
+ -- seen on a t-shirt by david & goliath
projects / etc / quotes.git / blobdiff